Gone…

Haix…
I did it again…
Is once again so dumb of me…
I just don’t know why I did it again…
Oh…
No….
Haix…

Hmm…
Sorry that I once again shock you again…
I meant there wasn’t anything or need to hide anymore…
Anyway, I am thankful we are still friends now…

Haix…
Looking forward to end my misery…
Everything will come to an end by next week…
Free and awaits for graduation…
2nd Feb is report submission
3rd Feb is Presentation

A “good deed” I did yesterday to my brother…
Hahas…
Feed him with answer for his comprehension that I did it before…
And ya…
Help him to rephrase those using own words…
Not bad that my comprehension skill is still that good…

Cheers,
Ada.

Sorry…

It had been a week long or even longer…
No one knows…
I could count back on how many church service I had missed…
I am like miss out in so many things that is happening in CG…
Lost but yet unfound…
No one had really felt that I was missing I guess…
It seems normal to them already…

I feel and felt my FYP was doom to fail…
I have no longer any mood to salvage what had happen…
I am no longer persevering onto working and finishing it…
I am out to give up everything…
My team…
I think they have lost hope back then…
But all I could do is to finish up what is left to do…
My fire had burned off…
My hope had gone…
My driving force had been lost…
I am back slacking…
No more driving force to finish it up…
Will power had lost…
All gone…

My CNY was burn…
I never felt it was CNY either…
I am rushing my report at the same thing got to help my mum…
I think this year is the worse CNY I ever had…
I hate this year CNY deeply…
Is like hell out of me…
I have no life before CNY and even during CNY…
What is this…
I have nothing to say be is freaking no life for me…
Not only that…
My 21st birthday was equally the same…
I am not going to celebrate anymore my birthday…
Is just a freaking same old day for me…
Who cares if it is a special day…
I have no more reaction to all this…
But to friends out there…
Your birthday will be remembered for sure…

To you…
I am no longer persisting on anything…
I am not asking for anything…
I am just trying to pen down my thoughts, my feeling…
I am not even think of anything that will happen…
If you think by avoiding me will be the best solution…
So be it…
I will not say anything more…
I am sorry but you are still someone precious to me…
A person whom will comfortable to share with…
A person whom will listen to me when I needed a listener…
I thank you for all that…
You are a wonderful encourager to me…
But I am sorry if I have disappointed you…

If you were here in my shoes…
You will truly understand how and why I felt this way…
I am still trying to drive myself to work even harder…
But it is just not working…
What else I could do…
I am sorry that I am looking at it as a failure…
I am like a failure, no only now but since young…
I can be smart but I failed in many other ways…
I have been through many ups and downs…
Countless of times…
I seems to be a born failure every time when I get to hit the peak…
The next moment will be my failure…
I got to believe in that…
As it is always the case…

I am sorry that I am once again drowning my blog…
I could be a role model to some out there…
But I could not be all the time…
I am still a failure whom tried hard to salvage everything but still can’t do much after all…
No one out there is telling me I am a failure…
But I do know I am one…

Back emo-ing…
Leave me alone…
I am always like that all the time when such things happens…
It’s always me…
Never will change…
If you think I will, you can try me by all means…

Hate who I am…
Where I am…
What I am…

Washing off everything that is on me…
Leaving off the life I used to be…
Walking the path which will come to an end…
Bidding Goodbye…

Cheers,
Ada

Given up my all

It had been long since I last updated my blog…
I felt that I am screw up…
My life…
My final year project…
I felt that I am no longer able to take it anymore…
I am dying for sleep…
I felt of giving up what and where I am struck at now…
Who really cares about me…
Do you think my parents give a damm if I pass or fail my Final Year Project…
Do you think my life anyone whom care?
Do you think I really bother what you look at me?
I am nothing afterall.
I am no one to you either.
I fail to meet all the things I plan out for.
My life is screwed and I hate my damm team…
Have you ever think that on 1st day of CNY and you are not going to bai nian but going to school…
Ya…
Idiot rite…
My footage for my video production is lost and I got to redo everything
And I am damm late for submittion.
Not only that the worse thing is that I din back up…
Haix…
Dying to kill myself for it…
I am damm freaking unlucky…

Anyway my dear,
Thanks for being there hearing my whinning and also rubbish…

Not in mind to do anything…
My shoulder is killing me…
In pain, but I can’t do anything after all …
I am just killing myself indirectly…
Who really cares for me…
I doubt no one…
I am just no one to many…
I am just walking the path alone…
I am hating myself…
Kill me if you want to…
I screwed up everything…

I want to tell you I still love you deep down…
But how late it is I don’t know…
But I feel that we are not able or chance to be together is ZERO…
I am still glad that you are there when I needed some comfort…
I am glad that you are still trying to make me preserve on even I know I can’t…
I thank you for all that you have done…
I miss those time of sharing with you after all…
It is really a great time chatting…
I know you cared for me…
But is no longer like the past…
But I still want to say…
I still love you and sorry for the past…

Cheers,
Ada.

Annoyed…

Hmm…
As all know that yesterday is my final submittion of my FYP…
But I fail to hand it the best version…
But I manage to submit the not very good quality but it is still acceptable…
I had it when things are screw up…
And yes I am to be blame after all…
I got nothing to say…
I fail to meet afterall…
There is no one to blame but myself as a project manager…
Fail to meet my role but I did my best…
And I hate your attitude when u do not know any technical things about final cut…
Yes, I should listen to you as a director…
But not for such technical issues…
I hate to say this…
No one have ever underestimate my technical knowledge except you two…
I am not going to say anymore but…
I still see that and prefer to do my way…
Cause I know what I am doing…
If you think you are better then me…
You can carry on and do it yourself!
Forget about asking me…
Or seeking me in anyway…

Cheers,
Ada.

Finally misery is ending…

Hi Peeps…
Is 4.30 in the morning…
And when all in a sleep right now…
I am still working on my FYP…
Last lap…
Last part of the full race…
Is like 50 metres more to finish it…
Then I could have a short break…

Thank peeps whom is consistently praying for me…
And thank my heavenly father for protection and salvation in this moment of time…
I would have been dead tired by now…
If not for the wonderful 9 hours sleep…
I think I will be dying by now…
I thank him that all think are under control and moving well…
I am currently doing the last part of the project which is exporting and pressing it into DVD…
Ya but not up converting it yet…
Cause of the time…
I will do it for the final submit with my report…

I would say this past 5 days…
I have not seen my parents…
I did went home to change and shower…
And of course having my mum’s home make soup…
Thanks mummy…
But most important is that I did not have gastric pain for the past 5 days…
As for some would know that I only had a meal a day…
For the past 5 days…
I didn’t have the time to have proper meal…
I bet I have definitely look shag and slim down a lot…
And ya of course got dark rings…
Hahas…
Lost of sleep which can’t be help…
Anyway…
I should not be rushing like that…
Is all due to the good group mates that I have…
Or else this will not even happen…
Dying to go home and give mummy a big hug…
Hope I get home tomorrow…
I get to have nice good food…
I need my bed…
My back hurts badly…
Especially my injured shoulder…
Had been hurtful since the past few days when I started to rushing out my project…
I really hope that this pain will be healed…
Praying for recovery…

And of course…
2 Feb is the submittion of the report…
And the following day is presentation…
By then I end all my misery…
And of course…
Looking forward to Thursday to meet you, my dear…
Finally, day out with you…
Leaning on your shoulder sleeping…

Cheers,
Ada

Lost but found… Miracles happened…

Is Day 3 camping in school…
Is a terrible time of all…
Camping in school is not nice at all…
Hmm…
I could count how many meals I have…
And even how many hours of sleep I have…

It is worse then factory…
I never will want to do this again or even anymore…
I am deadly tired…
I want to have my 8 hours of sleep a day…
I want my cosy bed…

Friday, I was in school over the night till now…
And my work is like more or less done up…
Left with some minor problem which need time and patience to resolve it…
Haiz…
I pray and hope that I could export the thing by tomorrow…
I am physically and spiritual hungry…

After webcasting over today sermon…
I was asking myself…
What is my priority?
Have I ever place God in my top priority?
And how many times I did things according to my own will?
And do I trust in him?
And have I ever do it in his way or mine?

As I am thinking…
And I found that God is not in my top priority but he is always in my priority…
And also I did many things and time according to my own plan and not his…
I am always going against his plans and doing it on my way…
I did not obey him…
I know what was wrong…
And will reflect back…
I will change…
But it all take time…
It can’t be change overnight…
Is me…

I am sorry if…
I have hurt you when you came to cared for me…
But I would say…
I know what I am doing afterall…
I have been having inconsistence meal time…
Which causing me to have gastric…
I am having insufficient of sleep…
I know my physical is tired…
But what is lasting me is my spiritual…

Anyway, I would like to thank God for today…
I would say is a miracle for me…
And that it was answered few hours later…
This is the situation…
In order to stay in the lab…
A lecturer must stay with us…
So my other lecturer is intending to leave…
So in order for us to stay we need to get my supervisor to stay with us…
The problem with my supervisor is that she does not have a mobile phone…
What we have from her is her office number and her house number…
We tried calling her house…
But we was told that she is not at home…
Then I left her a short message…
And started praying over that she will get home soon and give me a call…
And as what Pastor Tan said…
Be specific and persistence on the prayer…
I did that…
And she return a call…
Yes can finish up the work by tonite…!!!

Dear Peeps…
Thank you for all that your have done for me…
Thank you if you have placed me in your prayer list…
I will try to be back fully charged…
Is a raft that I go to preserve on till Wednesday…
Hope that all things will work well after all…
Thank you my beloveds…


And here to share…
I saw it on the noticeboard…

Plan for Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a special day…
Because it is unspent…
And so it offers all its time…
For us to be content…
It has not even made a start…
And therefore it is free…
For us to use in any way…
To keep us company…
We may devote its hours to…
A very worthy cause…
Or figure every minute as…
Another chance to pause…
In any case we ought to stop…
And think of it today…
And try to measure out our work…
With time enough to play…
We ought to make a schedule for…
Our labor and our rest…
So every second will be one…
In which we do our best.

James J. Metcalfe

But as I search online…
I found…

God First

Our first responsibility…
Is unto God above…
Far greater than to our pursuit…
Of labor, play or love…
Far more than to the glory and …
The fame we would achieve…
Or any earthly principle…
In which we might believe…
For all of our possessions and …
The very life we live…
Are basically the benefits…
That only God can give…
Without His help we could not speak…
Or walk or lift a hand…
Or have the human mind to think…
And try to understand…
Our family and country have…
Their places on this sod…
Our gratitude to God.

James J. Metcalfe

Cheers,
Ada

My Notes and Thoughts…

This is the Sermon for today!
By Pastor Tan

Hab 2:1-3

verse 2
Write the vision down…

Prayer Tower – See the vision that God want for you.
Solution and Breakthrough

Beginning…

I AM (Spirit) – Act by Creating in Human History, Breathe (Spirit Material)
Physical existence is getting more complicated…
Design in a pattern, logical…

Meaning of I AM
Consistent around
God exist all the time
God created time & space…

Prayer – not starving your spiritual being
- second nature of being

1 Cor 10:31
Whatever you do – Everything

Col 3:17
Whatever you do

Phil 4: 6
Everything

Mat 25:40
As you did it

Mat 25:45
You did not do it

** God needs you fellowship…
** Meet God’s needs first & God will anoint you…
~ Managing / Involves in what God is doing
~ Partnership with God…

John 5:19

Key is to see the vision of God than…
~ Jump in & Join God
~ Partnership with God
~ Trust & Obey God…

By faith receive salvation from God
By partnership with God
By engaging with God
No way to earn your own salvation without God
Earning the trust

Mark 10: 22 – 24

Issue is the trust that you have with God…
The trust should not be the earthly stuff…

How should we pray

1. Be OPEN TO HEAR GOD in your prayer
Act 9 : 6 -12
~  Prayer is seeing vision…
~  Being blind you will be able to see a vision
~  Visualizing things that is impossible to be possible

2. Be SPECIFIC in your prayer

~ What kind of Blessing , Needs or Salvation  ?
~ List down what you want to pray.
~ Write down prayer request & when blessing come (Put a tick once it is fulfilled)

3. Be PERSISTENT in your prayer
Luke 11: 5 – 8, 9 – 13

Salvation
~ Is a Spiritual Warfare…

Exodus 24:12
Be there – Stay on the mountain!! Don’t go down!!
~ Stay in Focus!!

From this sermon…
I learn and look back on the trust that I have with God…
I ponder for what I have been doing…
Where was my trust in God?
Was I lost halfway?

I am sorry that wasn’t there for service…
But I watch is over the webcasting…
I know I should be down there…
But I still took out the time to be in the presence of God
I still take the 3 hour to watch the whole sermon…
And this includes blogging it…
Will blog more later on…
On my thoughts and feeling…

Got to get back working…

Cheers,
Ada

Hectic, Tired & Speecless…

It had been a long day…
I think this is my last torture for myself…
I can’t take it anymore…
I think I am driving myself to my limits…
Yet not the max…
It is wee morning…
But yet I am still struggling to finish up the part for myself…
It had been sleepless nights…
It is unbelievable for me to hanging on this sleepless nights till now…
I hardly have enough sleep…
My hours of sleep is countable…
Not only that…
The number of meals I had is also countable…
I can’t believe that I am able to survive without having much food taken in and doing my project…
I see the strength and focus and the desire to finish up the work…
I see and hope it is possible to finish it up asap…
And by today all is done…
Working really hard…
Making a small prayer to daddy to help me and guide me…

Taking hours off for myself to relax and chill and of course give myself a break…
I am going to see stars…
Color correction is a freaking hectic job…
But I can’t say nor do anything…
But to hang on and work on…

Day 3 in the lab working hard to finish up the last part left…

**Counting down to finish of the project…
** Blogging while rendering the files…
Saving, Minimize the amount of time waste…

Anyway peeps…
Now is 3am in the morning…
And I bet most are asleep…
But I would like too say…
I am still in school rushing…

Cheers,
Ada.

Mercy upon me…

3 Cheers for me…
I am super happy when I read my student mail today…
I am super duper happy and announce that I need to hand in my Prototype only on Wednesday, 21 January @ 4pm…
This is really God’s grace…
At least I have more time to clean up my overall Prototype…
But I am still in school camping till Monday…
Don’t want to waste time to go home then head down to school then head home again…
I should say…
Prayers do help greatly…
Praise God…
Amen.

I prayed before working on my editing…
I could say…
Now what is left is cleaning up…
So not much hectic yet…
But I will pray for the upconverting and exporting to be fine…

My little prayer now is that all things could be finish by Monday, 5pm…
Then I can rest and then on Wednesday I can submit on time…

Hmm…
A lot of mercy was on me this few days…
But I am really trying hard to hang on…
I am having pain on my old injury…
It is causing me really pain that I can’t work at certain point of time…
I really pray that I will be healed by his stride…
I am really in pain now but I still want to blog…

Anyway, here is the new schedule…

16 Jan – 19 Jan   Staying over in school to finish up all and export.
19 Jan                  Pass Melvin to help to print the DVD design on e CD
21 Jan                  Submit Prototype
22 Jan – 24 Jan   Report Writing
25 Jan                  Reunion Dinner !!!
26 Jan – 27 Jan    Out of Town !!!
28 Jan – 2 Feb      Do Presentation Slides & Practice
2 Feb                     Submit Report
3 Feb                     Presentation (1:55 PM – 2:45 PM)
6 Feb – 8 Feb        Graduation Showcase
9 Feb                     Job Seeking

It is really God mercy and grace to me…
I am truly thankful…
And of course must thank those whom are there when I needed them the most in my tired time…
Here is the list of people I would like to THANK YOU!...

Ming Feng
Shu Jun
Lee Yong
Melissa
Joseph
Daphne
Adeline
Aloysius
Ronnie
Wee Chen
Reyes
Kuen

Not in any order or sequence…
But according to whom I remember…
Anyway, thank you Peeps…
Luv Ya all…

Cheers,
Ada

Hectic Time

It had been a long day for me to be in school…
Dead tired after such a hectic time…
Finally, I headed home yesterday…
But today will be another time to chiong my last lap…
This is the last weekend to finish up my project prototype…
And this weekend I am like to stay in school…
As it means…
I will once again miss Church Service…
But if I got the spare time…
I will try to go…
But please…
After all pardon me over my dressing…
I am sorry if I dressed very anyhow…
As I am not heading down from home..
So limited clothes…

I really misses praising my daddy…
I really misses his presences…
I really misses his words…
I really misses the time spend…
I misses all this…
But I would like to say…
I will miss 7 & 8 Feb Service…
I am sorry…
As that weekend is my Graduation Showcase…

Guys,
I would like to inform your that your are most welcome to come to see my Graduation Showcase…
Here are the details…

Days: Friday to Sunday
Dates: 6 – 8 February
Time: To Be Confirm
Location: Raffles City Level 3
Theme for my Graduation Showcase : Cocktail

If your have the time…
Do come…
Is an Open Invitation…
Oh ya and almost forgot…
The official opening for my Graduation Showcase is on Saturday, 7 February

I am looking forward to 8 February…
As after that I am free to rest before looking for a Job…
Hmm…
Sorry guys…
The newsletter of N318 will be done soon…
So currently please wait patiently…

Hmm…
Okie here is my schedule for the next 2 week left…

19 January – Submittion of my Project Prototype
19 – 23 January – Rushing to finish Project Report
24 January – Chinese New Year Service
25 January – Reunion Dinner with my family
26 & 27 January – Out of Town…
28 January – 1 February – Practice of Presentation
29 January – Printing of the Project Report
30 January – Submittion of my Project Report
2 – 5 February – Project Presentation
6 – 8 February – Graduation Showcase
9 February – Rest and Job Seeking…

Hahas…
Super pack for the next 2 week…
And anyway, CNY is  a something that I am definitely not looking forward to…
Not because I got to work but…
I just don’t like CNY since there is no more visitation…
I could say…
Besides my elder cousin (my mummy side)
There is no other cousin I keep in touch with already…
So basically…
I could declare that I don’t have much relatives…
So basically CNY is for me to stay @ home to rot…
Or to have a short holiday…
But this year CNY…
I am giving myself a break by going for a short holiday…

Cheers,
Ada