Sorry…

28 01 2009

It had been a week long or even longer…
No one knows…
I could count back on how many church service I had missed…
I am like miss out in so many things that is happening in CG…
Lost but yet unfound…
No one had really felt that I was missing I guess…
It seems normal to them already…

I feel and felt my FYP was doom to fail…
I have no longer any mood to salvage what had happen…
I am no longer persevering onto working and finishing it…
I am out to give up everything…
My team…
I think they have lost hope back then…
But all I could do is to finish up what is left to do…
My fire had burned off…
My hope had gone…
My driving force had been lost…
I am back slacking…
No more driving force to finish it up…
Will power had lost…
All gone…

My CNY was burn…
I never felt it was CNY either…
I am rushing my report at the same thing got to help my mum…
I think this year is the worse CNY I ever had…
I hate this year CNY deeply…
Is like hell out of me…
I have no life before CNY and even during CNY…
What is this…
I have nothing to say be is freaking no life for me…
Not only that…
My 21st birthday was equally the same…
I am not going to celebrate anymore my birthday…
Is just a freaking same old day for me…
Who cares if it is a special day…
I have no more reaction to all this…
But to friends out there…
Your birthday will be remembered for sure…
🙂

To you…
I am no longer persisting on anything…
I am not asking for anything…
I am just trying to pen down my thoughts, my feeling…
I am not even think of anything that will happen…
If you think by avoiding me will be the best solution…
So be it…
I will not say anything more…
I am sorry but you are still someone precious to me…
A person whom will comfortable to share with…
A person whom will listen to me when I needed a listener…
I thank you for all that…
You are a wonderful encourager to me…
But I am sorry if I have disappointed you…

If you were here in my shoes…
You will truly understand how and why I felt this way…
I am still trying to drive myself to work even harder…
But it is just not working…
What else I could do…
I am sorry that I am looking at it as a failure…
I am like a failure, no only now but since young…
I can be smart but I failed in many other ways…
I have been through many ups and downs…
Countless of times…
I seems to be a born failure every time when I get to hit the peak…
The next moment will be my failure…
I got to believe in that…
As it is always the case…

I am sorry that I am once again drowning my blog…
I could be a role model to some out there…
But I could not be all the time…
I am still a failure whom tried hard to salvage everything but still can’t do much after all…
No one out there is telling me I am a failure…
But I do know I am one…

Back emo-ing…
Leave me alone…
I am always like that all the time when such things happens…
It’s always me…
Never will change…
If you think I will, you can try me by all means…

Hate who I am…
Where I am…
What I am…

Washing off everything that is on me…
Leaving off the life I used to be…
Walking the path which will come to an end…
Bidding Goodbye…

Cheers,
Ada
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